Relationships

Posted by ben7

I recently broke up with my girlfriend and tried to get into another relationship immediately and it didn't workout.Problem was i put too much pressure on this girl after our first date on how to love me such as create more time together n rush her into a relationship.So she decided to call it quits.Am in alot of pain right now I tried drinks,drugs but it didnt help....even friends with benfits....Am in so much pain and my clients are always complaining about my incompetence.I have no friends i can count on now.I just graduated and chasing the biggest deal of my life but how can I cope up with this pain,failures and life......I need help

Answer
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Hi Ben,

Sorry that you had to go through two break ups in such a short period of time.

The truth is you never gave yourself time to heal and move on after the first break up. That might have caused all the pain you are feeling now.

One need time to heal and rebuild themselves after a break up before they can decide to move on and be in another relationship.

Healing from the wounds of a broken relationship is difficult. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break-up:

Think about what went wrong, but don't obsess over it. Don't fight your feelings - accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 

Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet for an evening beer or wine and pour your heart out.

Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it's time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.

Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.

Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook Thai food or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.

Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it's perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other unprescribed drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help.

Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614

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I appreciate your advice.It has really helped