Posted by makade

Hi... I appreciate the work you are doing by providing such a platform to help in relationship matters. I really need an advice on what to do. I met my boyfriend this year. My boyfriend previosly was in a rlp that ended in a divorce with a child though the mother refuses access of the child. Everything has been going well between us but my guy is soo cautious of having a "drummer queen" in marriage. He is a born again christian and am glad that he brought me back to going to church since I had stopped going before we met and he promised to help me in my journey to restore my faith. He introduced me to his church where he goes though he only gave directions n didn't accompany me. When I confronted him he said that he was testing me if I was serious about going back to church. I continued going to the church where he goes even without him being around sometimes. I did some research online about his church and most reviews were not impressive mainly about their overseer. I asked him about this n he said that f were to be his woman I should be able to stand by him even when people are badmouthing n he knows what the internet says about the church. I felt uncomfortable n since then I've been looking for other places of worship where I'll be comfortable. Lately he's been ignoring my calls n messages saying that he avoids people who he feels don't love God the way he loves him. He nows says that he only likes me n begining to fall in love but very cautious because he's avoiding drama onces he marries. He even said that he'd rather stay single the rest of his life than have a wife who doesn't love God the he does. I love God myself but I believe that a relationship between God n me should be between me and God and love cant be measured . We've not met for a while now but we talk sometimes over the phone . he's ever busy with work but promises to meet we talk when he's free. I really love this guy but I need an advice on what to do should it be to break up with him or not. He's hardly available for us to meet n talk. I need to know what to write to him. This is a guy I had hope with n we both wanted our relationship to end in marriage. We've never had other relationship struggles. We both trust each other never had jealousy issues or cheating. He appreciates all I do my achievements, adores my looks n anything a man would ask for in her man. Thank in advance


Dear Makade,

Communication is a key element in any relationship, lack of it may make the relationship strain and this can lead to a break up. I acknowledge the sacrifices that you have made so far to make the relationship work, relationships is about comprising on some things to make it work. The comprises, however need to be from both partners.

Perhaps, you can consider having a face to face conversation with your partner; share your concerns and fears. While doing this remember to be respectful, use the "I" statement, an example "I feel we can make this relationship strong by doing..." Also, do this in an environment where both of you can be able to express your concerns without feeling intimated. Listen to your partner, give him time to express himself without interruptions. By the end of your conversation, make a decision on what you want. If you decide to stay, make sure you share your expectations and ensure they are realistic.

Check out this article for more information:

Love Matters Team.


Hey Makade,

l conquer too, communication is always and should be among the fundamentals of every relationship but again on your case, as a Christion l should ring to mind that am not perfect and Christ loved me with my imperfections and that same love that Christ demonstrated for my sake, should be demonstrated to even my loved ones without judging in anywhere. Our differences, when put together in a relationship, make our love more beautiful and exciting.

Talk to him open up and tell him how you feel and what you both think should be restored and what to change.