Posted by Vee

Hello Love Matters,
My current relationship is my first sexually active relationship. I'm 23 yrs. I've been in relationships where sex was not involved and I understand why they may have failed or didn't last long. I Don't talk openly about sex with my guy. I'm personally contented with the sex but I don't know if he is or not.
He has never complained though but he says I'm shy which is true. It's always a struggle at first during love making coz of some pain I always experience. He's never shown signs of getting annoyed but I feel he hates the struggle during love making. But it's always a success after the struggle. I love him and wouldn't want him to be dissatisfied.
I have a friend whom I'm free with and we always share sexual matters. She tells me Blow job and CJ are important but I find them gross and would never give a BJ and would not also accept a CJ. Im not sure I can brought the topic up so that I know if he likes them or not. How can I go about this?


Hello Vee,

Talking about sex with your partner is important, while it may be a difficult topic to start, it does help to have it. This way you will let him know what you like, how you like it, and when you like it and the same for him.

Why is it a struggle at the beginning of your lovemaking? Is it because you dont feel comfortable someone seeing your nakedness? Is it because you do not like sex? or is it because your partner does not do it the way you like it? Or is it because of his penis size? Fore play is does help to make you at ease and ensure that you have enough lubrication to avoid feeling pain when he is penetrating. You can start way before lovemaking by sending each other love messages- this helps in preparing psychologically for sex. Touching each other, kissing, taking a bath together, these are some of the things you do for physical preparedness. Your body and your vagina will start preparing for sex.

Vee, you do not have to do something you do not like just because your friend said it is good. If you find the BJ and CJ to be gross, talking about it with your partner may not change how your view it. What you may consider doing is finding out what you enjoy and what your partner likes. You can start a conversation through a text message.

See this article it has some tips on how to talk about sex with your partner;

Wish you the best.

Love Matters Team.