Relationships

Posted by Beth

Hello, i have been dating this boyfriend for 4 years now. we met in campus during our first year and we are now in our fourth year but he really changed starting from the f3rd year and i now feel i should let go though he is saying i cant even consider the fact that we've bben together for so long. Please advise.

Answer
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Beth,

What is it that has changed? How have you tried to address the issue? While four years is a long time in a relationship, that should not be the only thing that makes you stay in a relationship. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, open and honest communication. trust and honesty.

Think through it and make an informed decision.

Check out this article for more information: https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-fo...

Love Matters Team.

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He had changed in the way he could address me. He could address me like giving a lecture and started criticizing about everything.Recently, he visited at my place and there was this lady who was calling but he was hanging up her call. It happened 3 times and i became curious and asked him why is he not picking the calls. He told me its his friiend's girlfriend of whom the friend gave her his (my boyfriend) numbe and told her that they are roomates so that just incase she does not reach him on his line she can use my boyfriend's line. I told him its fine and now that the friend is not around, let him just pick the call and tell the lady that the friend is not around. He told me that the lady is sturbon and she wont listen. I took his phone and ran through the call log and realized that the same lady whom she had saved by her name had called 3 times the previous day and they had talked for more than 10 minutes. To finalize it all, i saw there is a call he had made to the same lady 56 minutes past midnight and they had talked for 30 mins. On asking him why of the latenight call, he told me its when they got to know each other with the lady telling him that she was given his number by her boyfriend. In the process of me cramming the number, he grabbed the phone from my hand and told me if i dont trust what he is telling me then i go and ask his friend( whom he alledged is the boyfriend to the lady) and he left my place but luckily i had mastered the number.
He went and never talked to me, i felt so hurt and decided to handle the matter in the best way possible. I called the lady sounding official and she gave me all her details plus saying she is a student within the same university but a year behind. i ended up the call for her not to suspect anything. I slept over if for two days hoping the boyfriend could say anything about it but he was mute. I started the conversation and told him silence will not solve anything so lets meet and talk to agree or disagree. He told me he does not see the sense of us meeting because he has nothing to add on what he had told me about the lady. I was forced to respect his decision and remained silent. Now in that process, the same lady was doing investigations and asked the friend (whom i was told is her boyfriend) and he gave him my details plus my real name. So when i called tje lady a week later to tell her about everything, she said she did investigations and the friend gave her my details. Upon telling her the whole story, she told me both my boyfriend and the friend are her friends and she knows very clear that they are not roomates and told me that she knew my boyfriend through the friend and there are many things that she knows about my boyfriend and even so his anatomy which i have never see. She later on told me that they have even gone to an extend of having sex which i had denied him. I told her i wish them all the best and hanged the call.
So i think she called the boyfriend and told him everything that we had discussed. so the boyfriend sent me a text message saying that so the reason i am leaving him is because the lady called and he dint pick her call? why am i ending the 4 year relationshing that cheaply and i claimed to love him? i dint have anything to say because i saw its like he was taking me for granted, i decided to pick up my pieces and move on because my happiness does not depend on his presense.

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Dear Beth,

Indeed your happiness does depend on you. You are the one who can decide to make your life better and full of happiness or a boring and dull life. The choice is yours. It seems like you have already made a decision to move on; am sure it not an easy decision having dated for fours years,however it is possible to pick the pieces and move on.

Check out this article that has tips on how to deal with a break up:-https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-...

Wish you the best.

Love Matters Team.

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Now recently he called my best friend and told her not to tell me anything but because she is my best friend and she knew him through me, she had to tell me. He told her that he cheated, they have been dating with that lady for 6 months now and that is the reason he was treating me badly. He told her that he has now realized that i was the only one who loved him genuinely and that he feels sorry for his mistake. He told her that he is ready to meet me and apologize but he is afraid that i told him i have picked up my pieces and i am stronger and again i blocked him in all social media accounts.
Now the problem is that, i am also afraid because who waited for so long until things fell apart is when he is thinking of apologizing, its actually one month now. Again forgiving him is not a problem but you see he even lied to me that the lady was his friend's galfriend. Now even if i forgive him, i will not trust him.... Once a cheater always a cheater. Again if we reconcile, it will really take time for me to have love feelings for him.
The only thing that could make me hold on is because he does not drink and he is God fearing. Kindly advice me