am a 19yr old virgin, my boyfriend wants us to make love. and i thought that we should use a condom bt mai pal said that it is not advisable for 1st time sex since its risky. my bf z saying that if we don't we part way. And thinking abt calling it quits cz i can't risk my life
HI Judith, thank you for writing to Love Matters.
It is a good thing that you have been able to stay without sex all this time. It shows the kind of commitment and resolve you have as an individual in reaching your goals.
First time sex should be done when one is ready both physically and mentally . This means that you should not do it under pressure from anyone or if you feel you are still not ready.
No one should make a decision for you about when or how you should have sex . That decision entirely lies with you.
Always use a condom. That way you not only prevent unwanted pregnancy but also protect against sexually transmitted diseases. The pill only stops the woman from getting pregnant.
Accidents with condoms are nearly always the result of using them wrongly. So read the instructions carefully and use one to practice.
There is nothing wrong with saying no to him if you are not ready. If he wants to leave because you are not willing to have sex with him then good for you, you might have dodged a bullet because who's to say he wouldn't have left even after having sex.
Here's how to say no to him
First, make up your own mind whether you want something or not. If you’re not sure, say you need time to think about it. If you want to say no, do it in the first sentence. Then go on to explain why. Then it’s clear straight away and you don’t have to beat about the bush.
Explain why you don’t want to do something. But remember, you don’t have to apologize.
It’s OK to negotiate – for example, ‘not now, but some day’.
You shouldn’t worry about disappointing the other person or hurting their feelings by saying no. It’s more hurtful to someone if you say yes but you mean no.
If you’ve said yes, you can always change your mind. Just say so.
Here is an article on how first time sex should be if and when you are ready https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/sex-first-time .